"A Wild Patience Has Taken Me This Far" -- Adrienne Rich

After a nice long chat with Jeline, we both came to the conclusion that we are spoiled by good friends, many of whom specialize in the kind of conversation we love --- playful yet insightful, freewheeling yet focused, personal and immersed, yet at the same time detached and aware of the world beyond the dialogue, beyond the page.

The quality of conversation often depends, of course, on the level of familiarity with the other person and the number of shared interests you have. But a lot of it also has to do with personality. I like to think I generally like people...but in the past couple of weeks, I've come to realize that, whether from new acquaintances or old friends, there are a bunch of characteristics that bug me, and delight me. So I've made two lists.

I can't stand people who...

1. get by on charm and feigned expressions of sympathy
2. are extremely self-absorbed yet unable to analyze their own motivations and defenses
3. can't survive without an audience, who must always be out to impress
4. go out of their way to spread malicious gossip, perhaps to cover up envy and a lack of color in their own lives
5. don't know how to listen, who hear what you say without truly absorbing it then steer the conversation back to themselves
6. never look at other people's faces after searching for their own in group photographs
7. are smug, self-righteous and condescending
8. habitually use drunkenness as an excuse for bad behavior
9. mangle language in an attempt to be cute
10. play up their "victim" status and reject their share of responsibility for the failure of a relationship
11. promise to accomplish something then conveniently forget to do it, leaving you to cover for their carelessness
12. are Edie Brickell's "What I Am" embodied, who never get too deep
13. are too charmed or clouded by their own projections to see through other people's pretenses

* * * * *

But at the same time, I respect and am attracted to people who...

1. embrace difficulty, whether in life or in art, and more importantly who LEARN from it
2. are driven by curiosity, who ask questions in a sincere attempt to understand other people or ideas
3. are dissatisfied with some aspect of their life, and are DRIVEN to better themselves
4. are self-aware enough to own up to their faults and contradictions
5. are broad-minded enough to know they are not the center of the universe, that they are secondary characters in other people's stories
6. have excellent and diverse tastes (in music, cuisine, literature) without flaunting them or lording it over you
7. love possibilities, yet know when to love within limits
8. are observant of the world and other people's quirks
9. love laughter and substance in equal measure, and hence, who know how to tell good stories
10. are comfortable being alone, who don't require constant company or endlessly chase after love objects to make their lives more meaningful
11. know when to forgive, and when to get fed up with friends
12. combine realism and optimism in their love of the world and other people
13. are unflinchingly yet kindly honest, both with other people and with themselves

Cheers!